Well to be honest the are stuck at the moment I am not really keeping up with SA so not really getting my profile seen, I have joined a new site called elitemeeting.com, but the joining fee is £197.99 so I am going to access my emails which is a pain as I have only been a member a week and I have 89 emails!!!! aaahh, god I wish I had a guy I could just ask to wire me money like some of you girls do, if you know of anyone who wants to help a girl out send them my way hehehe!!
So Mr Salt & Pepper went all quiet and to be honest I am not going to chase, I sent him one text after a week of not hearing from him but that's it, if he has found someone else, good for him, but no mans wants something that will be handed to him on a plate, successfull men like to chase, to feel they have caught a prize.
I have heard from Izzie and apparently X already has a new girl, I dont think she would appreciate some of the emails he has been sending me, but I havent even dignified them with a answer.
To be honest I have had some weak moments were I have just thought how much easier it would be to go back to him, I have so many bills piling up starting to get the old red letters through aaahh!!! I have been looking for work since I got back home but hey its recession and no one near me is hiring - If anyone knows of any good work from home opportunites let me know.
Its been quite a crappy few weeks my uncle died 2 weeks ago and was buried last tuesday, but of a shock as it was so sudden and he was only 51, makes you realise how short life is. It weird how much death has been around me recently but then I suppose thats life maybe one of them will look out for me and bring me a SD or even a job I wouldn't mind either at the moment LOL.
Love
Jess
xoxox
17 comments:
Poor Jess :( Has X tried to convince you to come back? People make mistakes but that's how they learn. You made the right thing when you left him, but just think about the other SD's out there and how much shit you would have to put up with them. I mean I have guys sending me messages and asking me to be their sex slave, and it's suppose to be glorious because they're filthy rich and you get a pair of new Loboutinis?? I don't think so.
I feel like most of the stuff going on on SA.com etc is just about sex sex and sex. Finding such a good mutual chemistry and matching desires as you and X had is not very common. I have been reading so many SB blogs here and I just feel sad because no one seems to find a proper SD. It's just sex in exchange of money, no physical or even mental attraction included whatsoever.
If you feel like you still have feelings for X and that you could forgive him, you should consider about it. If I've understood this correctly, he seems to be very sorry right? Whatever you decide to do, make sure it comes from the heart.
If I were you, I'd go back to X. From what you've written, he sounds like such a good, kind-hearted guy, and that's so hard to find (and I'm talking about all men in general, not just SD's). Now that he knows he made a mistake he'll never do something like that again. I totally think you should consider getting back with him.
I think we are forgetting why she left him in the first place: he offered her to a client. That is just trashy and for her to take him back would be an affirmation that she accepts sordid behavior like that and is no better than a "p__." Sounds to me like X is just a "john" in disguise and using his money as a way to reel her back in. He won't respect her, not now, not ever. Jess made the right decision when she cut her ties long ago.
Frankly, I would lose respect for her (and I'm sure she would for herself) if she took back her decision to throw him back in the pond. Don't let desperation guide your actions.
There are many other SD fish in the sea, even on SA, you just have to be patient (I know it sucks!) in order to find a good one.
I think Jess has made it extremely clear to X that she doesn't approve what he did to her. And I think he's seen that is for real. So this is about forgiveness. To forgive is not to same as saying that the mistake one made was OK and is allowed to do it again in the future. But I think in most of cases one should be given a second (and the last) chance.
Hi Sandie,
If money were completely out of the picture, would you still suggest that she forgive and offer him a second chance after what he did?
Do the rules for respecting another human being not apply when one's a rich sugar daddy and the prospect of your financial gain is present?
Sounds like there is a double standard in there... ;)
-ATP
I agree with Across the Pond, a mistake is a drunken night with some mystery woman. But offering someone to a client is blatant disrespect. Maybe X really is sorry for what he did, but I doubt it. He has a new girl already, I mean come on! Jess made the right decision in my opinion.
I agree with Sandie.
This isn't a conventional relationship and you can't expect conventional mistakes. If this is how some SD's make mistakes, so be it.
You're pointing out that he already has another girl -- so what, he's already cheating on his wife. What kind of position to you expect him to hold, do you expect him to mourn for months? Life doesn't halt just because she's left him, he's not going to quit a lifestyle he's accustomed to, especially if she might never take him back. He's been e-mailing her, he obviously cares about her, and prefers to be with her over this new girl.
ATP, money is a big deal, but it isn't everything. No sugarbaby looks for an SD if she isn't looking for gifts/some kind of financial assistance. Once again, this arrangement isn't conventional, she doesn't have to imagine that money is "completely out of the picture" in order to decipher whether she'd take him back or not. This relationship (though not entirely) runs on money. Money can't be negated from this equation. Regardless, people who have read Jess's whole blog know that Jess loves X, and refused money from him when they first started dating. With this being an unconventional relationship, and having read the entirety of this blog, I would indeed still be on team "Take X back."
Follow your heart, Jess. Do whatever the hell feels right, because its your life. No one's respect for you or loss of respect for you matters in this situation. And even if you did take him back, and certain people "lost respect for you," I bet you a thousand dollars their IP addresses would still show up as visitors to this site.
Oh, and don't waste your money on elitemeeting.com, I've read a lot about scamming (google "elitemeeting.com and scam") It costs way too much to be a less legitimate site than something like SA.
Take care.
All in favor of prostitution? LOL
I lean towards exploring things with X. He made a ridiculous mistake but my bet is that X does feel bad and will work to redeem himself.
Perhaps you won't reconcile, perhaps you will.....but I would be curious to see what would happen in a sit down meeting where you hash it out.
There aren't many true SD's out there. There are even less who you find a true connection with.
Best of luck, Jess.
I agree with Across The Pond. Plus, he already has a new girl so he might be even more disrespectful this time around since he has another SB to fall back on.
I think it is only naive and stupid to think that having a SD is like having any ordinary BF. It's not. This kinda behavior would not be accepted from a normal BF but you need to understand that these guys want sugarbabes, not just normal girlfriends. It means that they have more power and they don't have to put up with all this regular relationship problems, listen to whining and crying and all this stuff. Not saying that Jess would do any of those things but I feel like that some of the people here still don't understand how freaking hard it is to get a SD like Jess had.
If we look at the whole sugar dating as one matter, most of the guys out there are just total perverts and idiots. Most of them having very scary fetishes and I don't even wanna think any further...It's disgusting. Compared to these "SD's" X seems like a real angel to me. What he did was absolutely disgusting but isn't that what you should be prepared to when you are dating a guy who pays to see you? These men are not just typical men and we need to learn that.
Jess wanted X to have similar kinda respect towards her like she had for him, unfortunately he screwed up and now he has to pay for it, and I'm not talking about money. He has a new SB but he's still talking to Jess. Wonder why? A typical SD would not give a shit anymore, so I think that he still might have even real feelings for her and it proves that he sincerely enjoyed her company while they were together.
Sandie -
There was no implication that having an SD is like an ordinary bf. That's subjective anyway. You still need to have standards and not be a doormat. You also contradicted yourself and said he might have real feelings for Jess. If he had real feelings, wouldn't that be more typical of a normal relationship? He probably only has "real feelings" for his wife.
Also you don't need to keep rehashing your points to get people to agree with you.
Anonymous 10:24pm, there was plenty of implication that having an SD is like having an ordinary bf, i.e., thinking about the situation without money and expecting common mistakes from SD's.
Your standards for being a doormat are also subjective.
Plus, an SD relationship varies from person to person. It's still not a "normal" relationship if an SD and his sugarbaby grow to have feelings for each other. And beyond that, have you never left your house? Turn on some Lifetime. Go to ashleymadison.com. People who have affairs and fall for the "other" man or woman have feelings and it's still not a traditional relationship.
Your argument doesn't hold up so it'd be wise no to use it.
And if Sandie wants to defend her point, it's the F#@&ing law and you have to accept it or scroll down.
And Anonymous 3:57am (maybe the same person?) SUGARDADDIES ALWAYS HAVE SUGARBABIES TO FALL BACK ON. It's like one SD to 10,000 SB's. Get a clue. A sugarbaby to fall back on is not going to be the propelling aspect that makes X treat Jess disrespectfully.
Obviously PMSing. Sorry for being rude, people, I actually sincerely enjoy this thread of comments and varying points of view.
Anonymous 4:18 - There's no need to be a twat, considering you enjoy the varying points of view. Doesn't look like you do.
I was saying that there was no implication from *ME* about it being like a ordinary bf.
There's more than one person posting anonymously and 10:24pm was my first time posting a comment.
There was no argument so to speak. I merely pointed out a contradiction that SD's don't want whining etc otherwise they'd be in a traditional relationship but X may have real feelings for her.
Sandie can defend her view, but repeating herself to get people to agree is unneccesary.
Anonymous 4:51, you don't know what the hell "I" enjoy because you don't know me, about me, or about what I do from day-to-day. Clue: this is the usual, and I can be fervent without being completely serious or holding heartfelt feelings because it's what I do. Being subjective is a consistent theme with you, so don't make accusatory remarks as it makes you seem hypocritical.
And if whining is in your normal relationships, I feel sincerely sorry for all the men in your life.
Whining is not a component of traditional relationships, and I bet anything I could find a couple of SD's out there who love whiners.
Since I've already categorized you in my mind to be a whiner, you've become so annoying in my mind that I won't be back to this line of comments. You're not "arguing" but I know I'm going to get a rebuttal. Have fun with the last word, whiner. As I won't be around, hope you do something creative with it so at least the audience will enjoy.
Sorry girls or boys, I didn't want to fight or make you feel pissed off. I wanted to tell Jess that it's not necessarily wrong to take X back after a while if he's learned his lesson and will properly make it up to her. After all it's not in our hands what she will do. I just expressed MY opinion and I don't care what anyone else says because it's MY opinion. I can think with my own brain and heart and I have a feeling that there more positive things about X than negative.
As I said in my first message "Whatever you decide to do, make sure it comes from the heart."
It's good that all the aspects in this case are being brought up. It probably can help Jess to make her own decision.
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